Saturday, February 19, 2011

The First Year

Yesterday we remembered our little girl, Madelynn Lorene.

She was born into Jesus' arms on February 18, 2010.
This was our first "anniversary" of her passing.

I have to say that Thursday was a harder day for me.  Lots of tears.  
It was a Thursday that she was born so my mind was flooded with memories of that day.  
I spent time looking for something special for her birthdate.  
Then spent some time driving in the foothills and taking pictures.  
I was reminded of God's awesome creation.

Part of me was dreading the 18th and what emotions would fill that day.

Jason and I talked about how we would honor Madelynn on her "birthdate."  
I've decided to call it her birthdate because it's just easier for me to say.  
February 18th will forever be the day we remember and honor our Madelynn.

I'd love to share with you how we honored Madelynn on her day.

I bought a flameless candle with an "M" on it.  This candle was lit all day yesterday on our shelf that holds all our physical memories of Madelynn.  It was so peaceful to look at it and see it flicker.  We left it on all day.  We decided this candle would stay on every year on her birthdate.  I have to say it really had an affect on me.  I was bothered when I turned it off last night.  So, I turned it back on today.  Janell said to me, "Mommy, did you see that Madelynn's candle is on today."  I told her I turned it on.  It made me feel good.  I think I'll be buying some stock in AAA batteries.

Both kids went to school yesterday.  Janell had a trip to see Cinderella and Nathaniel was concerned about not getting his perfect attendance pencil for February.  He was so cute though because he said it was alright if he missed school, he could just get the March pencil.  I picked up both kids at 12:00 from school.  We went to lunch, their choice.  After we ate we went and bought balloons.

We quietly drove to the cemetery.  
I would like to share with you in pictures what we did at the cemetery.

It was a very special time for our family.  After releasing the balloons we just had a time of being together at the cemetery.  We enjoyed the special rose that Uncle James brought to her.

Nathaniel is our sensitive one.  He was bothered that he didn't have anything to leave for Madelynn.  He kept asking why we didn't just lift up the stone and get her out.  He has such a sweet spirit.  I told him I had some paper in my purse and that he could write her a note.  Both kids decided to write a note to leave for her.

"For joy and love.  I miss you."  Nathaniel

"I love you and God too."  Janell

Our time in the cemetery with Madelynn was a very special time for our family.  I found myself not wanting to leave.  In that moment there was such a beautiful peace about us.  We have been blessed immeasurably and are thankful to a God who has seen us through the storm.

Our day ended with  all our family together.

Mommy, Daddy, Janell, and Nathaniel
Nana, Papa, Auntie Lisa, Jessica, Justine, and Alexis
Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle James, Auntie Kim, Kate, and Grandma Marge in spirit (she was home sick)

We enjoyed a pizza dinner at Me-n-Ed's and brownie sundaes back at our house.  Jason and I both agreed that it was so nice to be with our family on such a special day.  We are so thankful for all they have done for us during this time.  We also remember that they all suffered a loss as well.

We are so thankful for the prayers that have sustained us this past year.  We know that our lives have a new normal now as we are constantly reminded of the "should be's."  

But we also know what God's word tell us in Romans 8:38-39:

 "I'm absolutely convinced that nothing - nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, 
today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable - 
absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love 
because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us."

One day we'll see Madelynn again.  And until then we continue to seek God's will for our lives and use our experience to reach out and help others.

Thank you for taking the time to be a part of our lives.  
I look forward to sharing life with you!!


  1. Denise,

    Thanks for sharing this special and tender moment with all of us. It a testament to you, Jason and your family and the strength you're all walking with.

    I count it a blessing to know you guys.

    - jr

  2. Sounds like you had a beautiful day honoring your daughter's birthdate. The first year was the most difficult for us and I was so grateful when it was over and we made it through together with our family and friends holding us up. I know you feel the love and blessings from your family and friends also.....please know you were in our prayers constantly this week. Love you and many hugs to your sweet family!

  3. Beautiful!! Thank you for sharing :)

  4. Denise, I don't know what to say. Your family has been on our hearts a lot the last couple of weeks as you approached this birthdate. We love you guys. We continue to pray for all of you.