Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Talking to God, or is it God Talking to Me?

Last week we went to Pismo for a few days.
It was a last minute decision.
I booked a hotel room in the morning and we left in the afternoon.
It was a nice room.
Two queen beds and a fireplace.
Kids liked that.

 At dinner I told Jason that I really wanted to get my blog going.
I needed to map out what I would post.
After dinner we hung out at the pool (which overlooked the ocean, kind of)!
So as Jason and the kids swam, I mapped out a month of post ideas on my ipad.
 I felt excited about this adventure.
I had focus and determination.
I had goals and dreams.
I had a plan.

That night after the kids finally stopped bugging each other in bed
(you know, "get off my side," "kids moving around," etc. )
Jason and I finally had a chance to talk again.
I told him about my blog posts and my ideas.
Then I opened up about how I feel a sense that there is something else I am supposed to be doing.
There are so many things that I've become interested in that I want to try.
Then there's the fear of heading in a direction that is not what I'm called to do.
Fear that I can't do it in a way that would be glorifying to God.
Fear of failure before I even try.
There is so much unknown.
Fear from a lack of knowledge or understanding.
It's the only word that I really fits this deep feeling.
The other words I could use are discontent.
I don't feel fulfilled in my life.
I don't feel like I'm making a difference in the world around me.
Jason shared supportive and encouraging words with me.
Goodnight, kiss kiss, hug hug!

The next morning I was in the car waiting for family.
I remembered that I had picked up the GateWay devotional on New Year's Eve.
I opened to Wednesday, January 4th.

Now hold on for the awesomeness of God.

Here was the heading:
Key points:
1. Don't try to make it on your own.
2.  Leave the shadows.
3.  Confront your inner critic.
God's promise- "God told me, 'Don't say, I'm only a boy.' I tell you where to go and you'll go there.  I'll tell you what to say and you'll say it."  The Message

Yes God!  I do believe you have my attention!

So I backtracked.

Tuesday, January 3rd
"This moment calls for: (1) stripping away all lesser roles you've acted out and settled for;
(2) discovering who you are and what your life is really about;
(3) depending totally on God to help you give the most authentic performance of your career."

God's promise: "Be content with who you are...don't put on airs.  God's hand is on you; he'll promote you at the right time."  1 Peter 5:6-7 The Message

This is totally what I was sharing with Jason about.
It is exactly what I am feeling.

Turned back another page.
You're not going to believe this (well, you probably will if you know God)!

Monday, January 2nd
Key Points:
"Understand this: God doesn't do auditions and callbacks!  That's because He's already designed a role for you that nobody else could fill.  Even if others were to study you endlessly they still couldn't be you.  God designed you with all the built-in qualifications you need..."
"You shall go to all to whom I send you."  Jeremiah 1:7  NKJV

Okay, are you not just jumping out for joy? 
Are you screaming, "Yes God, Yes God, Yes, Yes, God!!"
I sat in the car humbled.
Yes God, help me to trust you more.

This adventure wouldn't be complete if I didn't share the devotion for Sunday, January 1st.

Key points:
Launching out means-
setting goals, establishing a plan to reach them, and becoming accountable.
Stay in sync with God's will.
Verse:  "Launch out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch." Luke 5:4 NKJV

At this point I was having one of those top of mountain moments.
What will I do when I go down the hill?
(Cheesy reference to sr. high camp experiences)

Well, I went back to work.
Reluctantly I might add.
Giving the this whole enlightening experience it's place on the back burner.

Until tonight.
I had a horrendous dental experience.
Battery in car died while waiting for Janell to finish dance.
Jason is on sabbatical (sort of)
Phone died waiting for dad to come jumpstart car.

I was frazzled to say the least.
I unloaded through text to Jason about how I was feeling.

Car started.
Kids fed and bathed.
A sudden peace about me.

God saying, "Hello Denise!  Trust me.  Just trust me.  In all things. 
The big, the little."

Are you trusting God in the big and the little?
Do you recognize that you are qualified? 
You were born with them ready to further His kingdom.

Tonight I'm praying about launching out!

Thanks for hanging with me tonight!!

Finding the blessings,

1 comment:

  1. As usual Denise, I find your words of wisdom so encouraging. I too am feeling a little uncomfortable at this time in my life. Yes, I do need to be still and listen to Him. Perhaps I will get a road map as clear as you. Thanks my sweet friend. Renee' =)